Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Caught in the Horrible Clutches of Insomnia's 4am Tight Grasp

"Hello there,
the angel from my nightmare..

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep I cnnot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness 
Comes creeping on so haunting every time

Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight"
[I Miss You -Blink182)

Tonight is a fierce sstruggle for health, healing & relief from a painful, debilitating chronic disease...And a totally separate issue of heatbreaking loss..

We need help and loving prayers for forgiveness & ability for self-forgiveness,
((I am far too hard on myself))
.....any thoughts/prayers at all are incredibly appreciated... need severe healing... feeling

For health, healing & reliefe from a painful, debilitating chronic disease...
For forgiveness & ability for self-forgiveness,< I am far too hard on myself>
.....any thoughts/prayers at all are incredibly appreciated... need severe healing... feeling incredible lonliness & despair from this life-altering crisis that feeds my insomnia & cinstant flow of streaming tears...
it's dark times...
Dark dark days & nights, there is no escaping it :(
 I'm out of answers, out of solutions...

And Lord, I ask if you could please keep my husband safe tomorrow and always as he flies his passengers around our nation & back home to the safety of his loving wife's embrace...

Tonight is a difficult one...
To say the least.
...and tragically, I can feel it won't be the last...

Desperate for some comfort tonight...
Desperate for some answered prayers for direction for our lives... existentially wondering what I am to do with my life, where should I be, and doing what for the most happiness possible...

And to keep our marriage unbreakably strong, an unstopable team ♡

Please help guide us, forgive us for our sins, and help us to forgive those who tresspass against us & cause us great emotional damage and pain, when it hurts our hearts so much we think it couldn't possibly crush us anymore, help us to release our stubborn hands from gripping our white knuckled metaphorical fists & seek comfort in turning to you, God...
Please help, please someone, anyone, have us in their prayers tonight... we're reaching a depressing level of desperation & excruciating



Love always,
xoxo LadyPeters

Monday, October 13, 2014

Post Your Truths. No Judging. Stop Comparing Your "Behind-the-Scenes" With Everyone's Perfected & Edited "Highlights Reel"

Post Your Truths. No Judging. Stop Comparing Your "Behind-the-Scenes" With Everyone's Perfected & Edited "Highlights Reel" ... carefully edited to show they're perfect life is perfectly perfect, "oh come and see how well I am doing"... where are the real truths to whatups & downs we eexperience as learning, growing, struggling humans?Insomnia...
And so...
This is me.
This is my life.
Life is not easy.
These are my unedited truths.
Truthfully, I am not coping well with my other half being ripped from my side to go to fly his plane for 4 days straight.
Sleeping alone in this new & foreign apartment, is not comforting.

So many huge life altering changes this year that seem will never become any less horrible, or manageable...
Waiting for the "time heals all wounds" to kick in any day now..

 Past 5am and not a wink of sleep yet.
I don't know how much more I can take.
I know this is the lifestyle we chose and we "knew what we were getting into" but it doesn't hurt any less to have the love of your life, flying all across the country so other people can see their families, while I'm stuck in this city that still seems new and alienating to us... I'm trying to survive the most difficult time in my life, and not very functional solo on even the most basic of tasks.
I need my husband.
I don't care if that doesn't sound like something of perfection from an independent woman's timeline on a social media that people treat as only supposed to show & share their "highlights reel" edited version of their life... always perfectly happy perfectness is bullpoopie.

This is me.
This is my life.
Life is not easy.

Never judge when you don't know the battle, hurt, & suffering going on within a soul you "claim" as a friend.

Life ebbs & flows, twisting, changing...
That's the truth, and I will post my truths, sensor free, no illusions, this
Raw. Real. Me.
You can handle it.
We are all adults here.

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Up Nort Cabin Inner Dialog. .. Like waaaay "Up-North"

There's an eerie stillness this far North,
densely quiet,
the only sound is of my own footsteps, crunching through the fallen leaves.. Tromping through the dead foliage, vibrantly vivid ...
finally arriving
at the cabin,
finally here,
away from the city & the life we've temporary abandoned..
an escape from it all.
Or is it?
Can you really ever run far enough?
Because wherever you go,